To Hold You in My Hand

My aunt handed me my cousin in the form of fine gray dust and shards of barely there white bone bits. “He would have wanted you to scatter his ashes in the place you both loved so much,” she tried to explain through choked tears. Would he? Really? I had to wonder. He was all about being my guardian; making sure I didn’t do something stupid like date the wrong guy. (He failed on several occasions.) That was as polite as he could get. My real cousin was all about being a trouble maker, a hell raiser, a wiseass agitator. Outspoken because he could be, he got a special thrill out of ruffling feathers and bunching panties. Of me he was protective in that junkyard dog kind of way. Growly and rude, I couldn’t help but love him for it. But. But! But, to be holding a handful his remains five years after his passing! This was a sucker punch for which I was not prepared. All that was left of him seemed so…fragile and so frail. All that was left was something to be treated with the utmost care. So unlike the flesh and bone boy that I knew. Suddenly, I had the overwhelming urge to lick my hand. I wanted to swallow the gray dust and white bones; to eat it with a devilish smile. I have no doubt that’s what he would have done with me.

Shortest Vent Ever

I have been called a pessimist. Glass not only half empty, but glass cracked and leaking. I have black clouds. I have dark days. But. Here’s the thing: I am a “no, but…” kind of person. I swear. I am constantly telling my staff, don’t just say no. If you can’t help someone you can’t help someone. Don’t just say no. Say no, but with a but behind it. “No, we can’t let you into our library, but let me give you the number of a public library that is offering free printing. They are accepting patrons by appointment.” No, but is nicer than no period.
I am a walking naysayer when it comes to looking inward; my own harshest critic. So, why is it I want you to at least try the positive? Why not say maybe instead of the fastest no ever? As Tommy Boy would say, “why say no when it feels so good to say yes?” It takes two seconds to consider another option besides the negative no. Consider yes…or maybe a maybe.