Big Bad Bust

Ya’ll ready for this? I lied. I said I was done whining. Well, guess what? I’m not. Ever since the mara I have been progressively feeling worse and worse. No, I don’t have the typical post-race depression. Of that, I am sure. Being bummed out doesn’t come with a creeping cough, rapid weight loss (over three pounds in four days) and feeling tired, tired, tired. To make matters more mysterious I have missed my monthly. Again. 10/26 came and went; a total of 31 days ago.

I’m not complaining. I’m more worried. Looking back, I just chalked up so many things to the run: losing weight, lower back ache, missed periods and most recently, the new ailment: the persistent cough. For awhile I was loving the 6…71/2…9…11 pounds lost but now that it’s reached 14.9 I’m a little freaked out. In reality it’s the last weigh-in that has me bugged the most. For the last four days I have been a sedentary bug, lolling on the couch and yet, yet I have managed to lose 3.5 lbs. Did I say four days? Come to think of it, I have been a sloth for the last week and I’ve still managed to lose weight.

Yes I have an appointment to see a doctor. Selfishly it’s because I am anxious to get back to the run and bore you all with my mileage & pace blatherings. That feels normal to me. Honestly, I’ll go quietly mad if I don’t. Where else can I reset my clocks, go back to manufacturer’s settings, return to good and even out the crazy days in my life if I don’t run? Don’t say yoga. Please don’t. I don’t have a quiet mind and I’m not about to start communication with my nonexistent chi. I’ve got drumbeats in my head and demons on my soul. I’m not going to find my center of anything through an om. It’s got to be a run because nothing else will work. It’s run or bust.

Categories: Confessional, life, running | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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