For the sake of my weird knee bruising and bruised confidence, I am officially taking today off from the run. Physically, I’m missing out on five little miles. Psychologically, I’m missing something as big as Mount Everest. The idea of not running because of an injury sucks molasses. I refuse to let this downtime shake me, but how can it not? Last week I raced against rain clouds at Ashley, dominating a great pace. Tonight I will be grounded. Grounded like the Edmund Fitzgerald and just as sad.
Something worse – In the name of love I will be skipping Thursday’s run as well. Physically, I will be missing out on ten miles. Psychologically, I will be missing my friend Susan. Kisa is taking me the five hours by car to Maine to attend her funeral. Up and back in one day just to say goodbye. My heart breaks over and over again every time I think of her death. I could barely watch the news report of her beyond recognizable, crumpled car. No one could walk away from such a wreck much less survive and so she is gone. Really gone. But, really it’s all about me. I’m mourning her passing because of what I have lost. I will miss her. What am I saying? I AM missing her. Me. Me. Me. I am ashamed I cannot think of anyone’s pain but my own. Thousands of people love her just as much. I need the run just to even out my heartbreak.
So. New plan. Maybe twelve on Wednesday? I think it would work. It has to work. It’s not five plus ten for the week but it’s something. And, And. And! If the knee is wonky afterwards I can give myself a couple of days to recover before Saturday. Because I have to run Saturday. I just have to.