Just an End

I wish I could say I attended my last Just Cause walker meeting fully present. I wish I could say I took in every last detail as truly the Last Detail. But. I didn’t. How do you know it’s time to say goodbye? When you don’t remember saying hello. As the Tab went over the play by play of each day my mind wandered. I know this and this and this part by heart so I tuned out. Only when there was a change in the program did I perk up. We no longer have to paint our toenails a varying shade of pink. Cancer comes in many colors and so we are no longer about the breast. News flash! You can paint your toes any shade of whatever you want. The end of a tradition. Another end. We are no longer doing a woods walk for fear of poison ivy and ticks. The PI and ticks have been there all along yet thanks to the both of them the woods walk won’t be. We traded in the cool of the trees for hot pavement and ruthless traffic. All for the sake of being overcautious. I get it…but I’d rather risk it.
When it came time to talk about bandanas, another change. They will be white. Like last year. Another tradition broken. See if you can spot it: hot pink, bright green, dark blue, pale pink, lilac purple, white, white.
When it came time to talk about name tags, another change. Recycle last year’s. We’ll just put a sticker of new information over last year.
“By now you should have finished fund raising and training…” Now I’m paying attention. Record scratch stop. I have barely begun either. This statement is just a reminder of what I haven’t done. Half minded and half hearted I mailed out a bunch of “this is it” letters and I raised the minimum a few weeks ago. When it comes to fund raising I’m just not the pressure cooker of anxiety I used to be. Promise me you’ll donate and instead of wishful thinking (because I’m worried you won’t), I just won’t expect it. Listen to me! I sound like I’ve soured on the walk. That’s not it. Not exactly. I just can’t let broken promises or empty words bring me down.
Starting tomorrow I have 24 days to train. In translation that really means I have 24 days to condition my feet to blister-proof toughness. I may very well end my JC career like it started: crazy red rashes and multiple blisters on both feet. [insert big sigh here]
There is a silver lining to all this sob storying. The Dan and I are staying with the Head Daffodil Thursday and Friday night! One less obstacle to navigate. Yay.

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Categories: Confessional, Fund Raising, Just Cause, Walking | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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