For the first time in two months I let myself jump the tracks. My hope? I just left the switching station and I’m still riding the rails, just a different route. My fear? I derailed. Derailed like so many times before. Harsh words like burnout and quitter and failure. I know I’m being woe-is-me dramatic, but I’ve been here before. I’ve seen this slip sliding away. As the song goes, “the more you near your destination, the more you’re slip sliding away.” Or something like that. But! But. But, how is that even possible if I don’t know where I’m going?
Thursday has always been a good run day. I get home a couple of hours before the Kisa and the idea of what to make for dinner is barely a blip on my mental radar. In other words, plenty of time for New Guinea. Except for last night. Everything was wrong. I couldn’t get into even the idea of a run. A run of any length. And it wasn’t just the run that was wrong. I had plans to go out with a friend. I postponed. I had no plans for dinner and ending up making a homemade kraut while Kisa seared off beer brats. Lame. But I knew it before I even began. It’s like I knew how wrong everything would be before I even got home. So, by the time I stepped on the tread I knew I would bail. The original plan was for speed work: 1 mile warm-up; 6x(30/90); 1 mile cool down. It probably would have worked out to four miles or so (4.15 was my last speedy run). What did I do? What did I end up running last night? 2.83. 2.83 total.
There is a silver lining to all this stomachache. For the month I have put in 56 miles. And there’s this: I signed up for the St. Pat’s road race on March 21. Last year I shaved four minutes off my time. Considering I was pushing through a pretty painful hip ailment I am proud of the improvement. This year I want to work on hills, physically and mentally. Every year I consistently run every hill (you won’t see this girl walking a second on this course!), but I want to get through the inclines faster and stronger than last year. That’s the physical part. The mental is this: every year I get pissed off at the hill walkers who sprint past me on the downhill. I need to get over that. They run their race, I’ll run mine.
What’s ahead: a 10k on Sunday and that’s it for the rest of the week. During this 10k I’m going to try to simulate St. Pat’s on my tread and see how I do. I know I can’t work on downhill, but then again that has never been my problem!
In the spirit of accountability, here’s next week:
M – hip work with Bob / PT
T – 5 miles / PT
W – elliptical / yoga with Sage / PT
Th – 4.5 miles / PT
F – ?? wild card because I’m working for MSR
S – hip work with Bob / yoga with Christene / PT
Su – 10 miles/ restorative yoga