I wrote this in September of 2013:
They say the best way to end an addiction is to quit cold turkey. Cut the obsession off at the knees and just simply walk away. My father did that with smoking. My sister did that with a marriage. It runs in the family, this cut and dried approach to cutting it out.
But, what about the other side of the story? What if I’m on the receiving end of the stare? Or the glare? Can I still quit it? Cut it out.
I know a thing or two about addiction. It creeps up on you like a sly fog, twisting around your heart until it controls your thoughts. Actions are dictated by emotions and nothing makes as much sense as the obsession. It’s even worse when it is sprung from a devil’s box of secrecy. Spilling the story makes it easier to tell. Not even reverse psychology can cure the sure thing. My husband, obsessed with getting what he wants, will tell anyone it won’t happen. Like a mantra he will repeat the opposite of his dreams if only to lessen the shock of reality when it really does not happen. There is no I Told You So in this equation.
I sat on the other side of an addiction this morning. I watched a man tell me a lie. Bold and ugly, I could barely believe it was coming from his mouth. He said it originated from mine. Dumbfounded and dazed I couldn’t believe he would be so delusional as to think I started this. Especially when all I want to do is end it. Has it really come to this? I really need to end it.
End it. I know this is a dead end relationship. I know that it will do more harm than good. In the long run people better than me or myself will get hurt. I can’t risk the game. I have thought long and hard about this addiction and have decided it needs to die. I will cut it off at the knees, kill it cold turkey. As soon as I get over being chicken.
I took me over a year, but I did it. I quit the relationship with the Reader. After the insanity spiraled out of control, resulting in over 40 phone calls in less than five hours, I knew it had to end. The chicken came home to roost. Stranger things have happened.