Happy Endings

The majority of weekends around my house are usually reserved for chores and errands. Laundry, litter boxes, dusting, washing, scrubbing, grocery shopping, vacuuming. This last Saturday I was loathe to go anywhere that took me away from the house for more than ten minutes tops. What if Cassidy came home? It had been six long days but I still felt a glimmer of hope for her. I wouldn’t and couldn’t give up on her. To hell with the laundry. I wanted the weekend to search the woods again. Fukc the vacuuming. I needed the weekend to walk the neighborhood again. No time for dusting. I had to read another book out loud. I was desperate to talk to more people again. All those seemingly futile efforts were efforts. Doing something was better than nothing.
when Kisa convinced me to go on a small road trip for a new backpack I called a friend to tag along. I needed the one person who had been worrying just as much as I had. I needed her with me to bolster me on this trip. She, if anyone, would be the one to convince me it was okay to leave Camp Cassidy. Although when Kisa remarked, “this is the first time we have left the house for something other than work or searching” I panicked. Surely we had just jinxed our chances of finding her.
We were only gone a few hours. The day was not over by the time we got back. Everything was exactly the same as we left it. No Cassidy. No voice mail to say someone had found her. No movement on the camera to say she had darted by. In truth it hadn’t hurt to leave. Even still…I was eager to restart the search efforts. Kisa assured me we would walk the woods again “right after this video game.” The day was ticking by and sitting still would kill me so I decided to call my sister.
I wasn’t thinking of Cassidy when I moved my phone call to the back deck. I was only thinking of privacy and not disrupting Kisa’s football game. I’m sure the move was subliminally centered around Cassidy but I can’t be sure. We talked for an hour. During that time I watched the sky for hawks, listened to the trees rustle in the wind, watched their leaves vibrate. It was peaceful. A good conversation.
After the call Kisa was done with his game and I was feeling defeated. It was too late to walk anywhere; too late to talk to anyone. It was starting to get dark so we decided on dinner. I wasn’t sure I could eat. In truth, I wanted to drink my dinner a la Cab Sab but ordered a sandwich anyway. I barely noticed Kisa’s departure. I spent the next 15 minutes reading the same sentence over and over again until I heard Jones crying at the back door.
There in the dusky dark sat a forlorn feline figure. I couldn’t tell if it was Cassidy or a figment of my imagination. How many times had I pictured her sitting, just like that? What I never imagined was her growling like this creature was. Nevertheless I scooped Jones up into my arms and ran to the bathroom. Slamming the door behind him my mind raced. What if it was her? How could I get her to come in? In mere seconds I was at the back door. The animal was nowhere to be found but I flung open the door and threw kitty treats all over the floor. Then I called Kisa.
I wish I could remember my hysterical phone call. I know that I wasn’t making any sense. I know I uttered the word “Cassidy” but I was a raving lunatic at that point. He asked if he needed to run the red light he was stopped at. He was mere seconds from home. I don’t know what I said. In another minute he was walking up the stairs and I was telling him I thought I saw Cassidy. He replied, “you did. She’s right behind you.”
Cassidy came home.

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Categories: Confessional | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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