Take a deep breath, close your eyes, count to ten, exhale. Finding patience. I’m doing that a lot lately. Bitchbitchbitch is all I hear these days. June 26th cannot come soon enough and I have to ask myself what happened to everything being better after May 31st? Ha! That was a wash. For sure. June 1st did not bring me the fresh new start I was looking for. I was naive to think that it would. Silly me. I need to find some patience is all.

My aunt called last night. She wanted a “funny” story and through tears that have not stopped for nearly nine months she specifically asked about the Tylenol bottle I left in her son’s grave. Dammit I could not lie. I told her. I told her the whole truth and nothing but the ugly truth. Not a funny story unless you consider two kids laughing and crying hysterically while covered in puke and mud and vegetable oil “funny.” I have plans to visit her in September. I’ll think of something more laughable by then.

My “Monhegan” necklace is almost ready. I am looking forward to wearing it as it will be one less scar from the robbery that happened almost a year ago. It’s been such a long time that I don’t even remember the stone I chose. I know nothing about this new piece of jewelry except that it is 100% handmade, 100% unique to me and 100% home. Oh. and the chain is 16″ as requested.

Three weeks from today I will be on Oahu. I have been diligent with my fear-of-flying therapy and am happy to say it has been weeks since I had a heart-stopping panic attack. No. I lie. Last night a helicopter flew too low and it distracted me to silence. I think I even ducked my head a little. I was unaware of my reaction until Kisa asked, “Just a little too low, huh?” and then gently prodded me to continue my sentence. I was unaware I had been speaking at all. Patience. I am getting stronger every single day. This bump in the road is just that.

Categories: Confessional, life, Monhegan | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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