The pedometer came off this week. First time in nearly five months. It’s weird not to count every step. Training walks are done. Fund raising is done. It’s strange not to count every penny. Strange not to want to talk to people about taking care of women with cancer. All that’s left is packing (with one eye on the weather channel at all times). It’s hard to believe this time is here now. Now it’s time for new nuts. Seriously.
I need to find courage for the upcoming events in my life. These things require more gumption than I can muster at the moment. There is no time for eyes-shut-tight cringing and blind no-faith jumping. I cannot move forward in fear. I will not survive this otherwise.
I went on a 3.5 hour walk with a friend on Sunday. As soon as our feet starting moving so did my mouth. Out came every insecurity and every doubt. My friend caught every negative statement and tossed back something constructive. Her advice was a spin; a new angle. 14 miles later I have more good advice than my mind’s pockets can hold. Positivity is spilling. My head is spinning.
One thing at a time. Send my cousin to his final resting place with honesty and love. Nothing I say will be perfect. Nothing I say will move mountains. Here’s what matters most: What I say to the cousin I love. As for the rest of it, to hell with it AND them.