How do I begin to explain how busy life has been without sounding bitchy or, at the very least, whiny? I hate bitchy but loathe whiny even more. I’m neither. This is not a complaint. I have been busy. Way busy to be here. That’s all there is to it.
For starters there is Just ‘Cause. I don’t know about you with your long legs, but it takes me two hours to walk eight miles. So, picture this. This is my life right now. Get home from work, cook dinner, eat dinner, change into walking gear, walk eight miles, shower, maybe watch a little telly with the hubby, get ready for bed, read, sleep. Repeat. That is my 5pm – 10:30pm-ish schedule. And that’s the schedule if I don’t have fund raising to do (writing letters, addressing envelopes, sticking stamps, running to the mailbox), or chores (laundry, litter boxes, you name it) to do.
Last night I added something else to the list – writing a eulogy for my cousin. The cat is out of the bag. I want to say something at his burial. But, with knowledge comes pressure. A ton of it. Everyone knows we were close. He was my favorite. I’m sure I was his. No one is surprised I’m saying something. But now it has become how much will I say? I want people to lean in to hear the things I don’t.
This morning I added something new to the list – overcome this fear of flying. No tall order since I don’t understand it. Everyone knows I used to love to fly. Used to. Now I have that wet my pants fear that has me confused.
So there it is. Three things to conquer before the end of June. Cancer walk of 60 miles. Finding the right words for a called-home cousin. Fighting the fear to fly.
I think after all that I will have arrived.