I have to apologize for being so nasty negative lately. Maybe it’s because someone lost their life on Monhegan this last weekend. Maybe it’s because I can’t do the simplest of tasks without shortness of breath. Maybe it’s because my mother failed to tell me she had pneumonia until it was a was instead of is. Maybe it’s because certain people in my life take silence as a personal offense and feel the need to whine about it.
Plain and simple I haven’t felt well. I’m not of sound body nor right mind these days. I want nothing more than to run a few miles but I can’t catch my breath let alone catch up. I want to crawl through the phone when I hear certain voices. I hear you calling but I can’t pick up. I miss you but I can’t let go. It’s that simply complicated.
I sent a toy out and got silence. I was relieved. One person gets me. Got me. Caught me. It’s true I can’t say more than nothing less. I’m writing sporadically to a friend. Saying volumes in pages about nothing at all.
I forgot your name. Stared at you and stared at you until nothing came to me. What’s wrong with me that I wouldn’t know what to call you after all these years. What do you answer to? I’ve not remembered any of you. Funny how my hands and feet fall asleep while my mind cannot. Night sweats and blood on the sheets.
A friend request from a friendly face. Would it be a lie to say you haven’t changed one bit? Or. Maybe you have and that’s why you requested to know me once again. You don’t hate me anymore. Or. Maybe you are mistaken. Confused me with someone else and you really don’t remember me. Either. Maybe we are both just discontent with the content of our lives.