I feel like I’m on drugs. Something mind altering and scary. Slightly off kilter and confusing. I have headaches that come and go. I also have this weird and angry lump on my shoulder. I’ve had it for awhile. Dr. SoAndSo looked at it and shrugged. It underwhelmed her and by default gave me nothing to worry about. That was last April. It’s still here, getting bigger and angry-red looking. “Spider bite,” a friend prognosed. “A large zit,” another pronounced. Again with the shrug. It liked the idea of spiders over acne until I went to bed thinking about things creeping into my bed and biting me in my sleep.
I don’t remember dreaming. I don’t remember the visuals of my night-time stance. I do remember opening my eyes and seeing a ginormous tarantula-looking creature crawling up my window blinds. Before I knew what was happening I shouted OhMyGod and catapulted out of bed with such force both cats went scurrying and kisa sat bolt upright. “Giant spider” was all I could gasp before running for the Raid. When my knight asked what it looked like, how big I couldn’t answer. It sounded ridiculous. A tarantula? In our room? Really? Despite searching every part of the window we never found the offender. I began to question my sanity. Never before had I imagined something so real in my waking moments. This was a completely different hallucination. I’m still looking for the thing.
The earthquake that made my desk dance was no different. Again I couldn’t decide if I was dreaming or delusional. A prank? A protest? The lurching only adding to my anxiety. Once again I called on Kisa. I think I’m going insane I intoned. You’re not, he replied. He went onto rationalize my imagination. Vermin and Virginia. They are the ones haunting your reality. So real it’s fake.