Respecting the Ghost

Last night I ran like hell. Not that my run was terrible. This is not a reflection on performance ability or lack thereof. I ran like I was being chased by ghosts. Because I was. In my head I was kicking down every door that has ever been closed to me. In my heart I was feeling stronger than anyone has ever given me credit (including moi and myself). I ran with a little fever and more than a little fire.

It started off simple enough. 25 minutes of PT, balancing and stretching. Blah,blah, blah. After all that I knew that I couldn’t ignore the siren song of my gerbil cage. Not for long. I have truly grown to love the room that houses all my earthly fears. The run itself started off slow – 11 mile/hour pace and Natalie proclaiming “Not in this life, never again. No, never on your life…” All about deciding not to be taken for the fool. About not making mistakes more than once. Words to live by. I wasn’t wearing the heart monitor strap and so, feeling a little untethered, I decided to kick it up just a little. Adel’s strong voice pushed me through The Deep (is she really only 21?). Dave told me not to drink the water (so angry). Ms. Amos didn’t want my cash but gave me a drum beat I could pulse along with instead.
Side note: I can’t imagine running without these people. Purist, I am not.
But, about the run –  I thought about Mr. Golden’s roommate and wondered if he stilled played hockey. Probably with his sons, grown by now. Are they good boys and do they fight fair? I gently eased my memory back to gin and juice, Zep and zip it. It wasn’t so bad with Uncomfortable growling in my ears. Ironic, I ended with the words, “I might forget you but not forgive” and, And! And I was smiling.
After 35 minutes I called it good. 3.58 miles. No heart failure. No heartache.

Categories: Confessional, life, music, running | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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