The sun WILL come out tomorrow and I didn’t have to bet a bottom dollar on it. There is evidence of a silver lining in my skies of gray. Finally. It started with really nice weather for the weekend. The chance to be outside in the garden without frozen fingers and steamy breath and itchy wool wrapped around my neck. Kisa painted the last of Hilltop and I replanted iris bulbs. I have no idea what I’m doing so I’ll consider them gifts from the gardening gods if they actually take root next year. The soil is clay, heavy and unyielding. I don’t have faith, even if I had fun planting.
This weekend was also the weekend of the phone. Four hours with mom, one hour with a friend and get this, nearly two hours with my sister. Shock of all shocks. My S i s t e r. It felt good to be honest. It felt great to be blunt. I was done pretending I haven’t been confused; that I haven’t been hurt. I was only fooling myself anyway. Everyone around me knew my pain better than me, & myself. But, better than that I heard an apology and I saw the air clear. Perception is reality even for the really insane. When I saw was real but not reality. I get it now.
Sunday night saw a concert. Playing For Change*. I want to see more of them. Kisa and I were front row -front and center. Literally. It was breathtaking to be so close to the action. Being drawn in was unavoidable. The energy was contagious and the fun never stopped. I don’t think the smile left my face all night. I think I have an African heart. I want dance like that; to be free like that. It was intoxicating.
All in all it was a good weekend. I didn’t think about the things that ail me. I kicked around the idea of a kitten. We might be ready. I’m ready for change.
*More on them later.