Mission Statement (im)Possible

I had a feeling I was going to sit around that other day feeling sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for my situation. I had to cancel plans with a friend because other problems (re)surfaced. It was raining. I was melancholy. I didn’t feel like being public, much less social. I was listening to CNN news about Reverend O and, as a result I was ruthlessly subjecting myself to my childhood. Excuses. The risk you take. “You risk the game by taking dares with yes.” words by Natalie Merchant. My heart was hurting from every angle. I didn’t feel like brushing my hair. Standing on my own two feet. A man killed his neighbor thinking his toddler was abused by said neighbor. It was all a mistake. So many mistakes. A 15 year old stole a baby. Bloodshed and tears in Iraq. Same old, same old. I hate the news. It’s not new. Natalie said that 98% of what she reads in the New York Times depresses her. Why read it then? To avoid ignorance? To be in the know when it comes to tragedy and human suffering? Glutton for punishment. I was trying to read The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier and there was a part of me that hated it with a passion. I hated the bullying, the psychological mangling of the underdog. I was reading it because I missed it the first time. Who’s to say I needed to keep going?
What I need now is a new mission statement. What I really need to do is get off my azz. Stand up. For every negative aspect of my day find a positive spin. Go for a rain run – clear my cloudy head. For example, I asked a friend about running with me and he confessed that he doesn’t like to run on his days off, which means we’ll never run together. Dead end. *sigh* That means U-Turn and look for motivation elsewhere. For every cloud I need to find the silver lining. I hate my days of depression, my days of the black cloud. To counter Chocolate I started reading Culinary Bootcamp: Five Days of Basic Training at The Culinary Institute of America by CIA and Martha Rose Shulman (2006). I learned new things about cooking. Hey! Silver lining!
So, here’s the mission statement anew – find the groove. Find it wherever you can. Get in that groove and rock on.

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Categories: Confessional, life, Old Blogs, running | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

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