So, I made myself believe in Santa Claus. I pursuaded me to listen for the Easter Bunny. I never had a doubt about the Great Pumpkin. And I’ve finally talked moi into Thanksgiving. Giving thanks, taking thanks.
48 hours ago, if you had asked, I would have said I’m healthy. I would have believed it like the Easter Bunny. Everything has come back normal, negative, nothing to worry about. Yesterday, all that changed when my doctor called me. At work. Called me. Like the 2am call or the uncharacteristic I Love You from a sibling I knew something was somewhat unusual and more than wrong. “Your cells are looking a little wonky. Abnormal.” doc explained. Yeah, so? Aren’t they always? Over the years I have gotten used to the inverted cervix, tilted uterus story. Been there, done that. This time was different. Something in her tone made me sit up, take notice and almost drop the phone. “We’ll run some more tests…” she trails off. Wait. Isn’t that the whole reason for the entire feet-in-the-stirrups-no-giddyup-process? So you can run some tests? What kind of screening is this if there is more to it? I’m left with a dial tone and a sense of dread. Wait and see. See and wait.
Since all I can do is play the waiting game I take thanks instead. Our contractor finished the “mudroom” over the weekend. I have always wanted a house with a welcoming place to shrug off the coat and peel back the gloves. Somewhere to store the dripping boots and hang the hat. That ComeRightIn welcoming attitude. In a black marble fancy foyer with crystal chandelier swaying overhead it didn’t seem like I would get that warm and cozy welcome. Until we talked to a contractor. In a matter of two days he was able to build the most amazing double-sided “staircase.” On the side facing the front door, a place to hang coats. A bench for taking off boots. Cubby holes for storing hats, gloves, mittens and keys, maybe a shy cat. On the other side, a bookcase for all my previous read again and agains. It’s beautiful. Like it has always been there. To while away the waiting (and worrying) I will paint instead. Paint and wonder what kind of hooks we’ll need for coats. I’ll keep thanking instead of thinking.