Intrinsically Complicated

According to this book I am reading I am characterized as an intrinsic runner, meaning that running is personal, spiritually and emotional for me. No sh!t. I can’t run if it doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t have the hubris to think I have something to prove, someone to beat.  I run for me, myself and moi. We are on the long, hard road to recovery when it comes to this thing called the run. Injury has beaten me, self-doubt has abused me. I can’t run if it doesn’t speak to me somehow in some way. It is all about inner peace, solitude, sorting it all out. ByMyself. I’ve never cared about times against another runner. Comparisons and competition lie within myself exclusively. No one can push me harder than moi. No one can bring me down faster than myself. No one can beat me up easier than me, myself and moi combined. It’s as simple as that.

This week I was able to try out three very different runs. The first was in the pouring rain. I knew that if I didn’t say fukc the weather the run would get fukced instead so as soon as I got in the door I changed. Weather proof pants, heavier jacket to ward off chills, faithful Red Sox cap and plastic protected ipod and I was off. I decided to work on the Pendleton Hill. Its a mile straight up with a half mile straightaway. All downhill home. Despite the rain getting harder and a large woman flipping me off for no apparent reason, this was a great rain run. I didn’t wilt! 3 in 30. Run number two was on the tread. 35 minutes at a steady 10min/mile pace. 3.54  in 35. Easy easy easy. Just the way I like it. The last run of the week was special. I got to run in my old neighborhood. Kisa and I needed to borrow the rents’ truck to pick up a few things at work (and by default create the rumor I got fired), so we were going to be in the area anyway. I have to admit there was a sense of giddy when I packed up the new shoes, a pack of pomegranate wipes and the ipod. By the time we got to Flo I could barely contain my excitement. I get to see the park again!
For old time’s sake I ran the bike path. The cool canopy of trees created a magical path for me to follow. Sunlight danced in the leaves and sparkled before my feet. I ran with one eye on everything I missed. When I got to the park I encountered a new obstacle: lighter fluid. This was the first time ever inhaling the stuff. Running by someone’s just started grill was not pleasant. The odor burned my nose and caused uncontrolled coughing. First time for everything! Other than that, the run was fun. Ipassed a wedding in the chapel by the lake, dog walkers, kid strollers, sun bathers, book readers, frisbee tossers, hand holders. Everywhere I looked, someone doing something. I almost felt a pang of regret making my way out of the park. But, the quiet solitude of the bike path was calling me back and I couldn’t resist. Another thing I couldn’t do is tell you how far I ran (despite it being an old favorite) nor could I tell you how long I was gone. I just went just to go. If that makes sense. All I wanted was the old run.

I am an intrinsic runner. I am complicated. nothing more. nothing less.

Categories: Confessional, running | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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